I for one routinely use eating to harm myself. Barring aspects of food and eating that are out of my control, I have a native sense for what is good to eat, what is poisonous, when to eat, how much to eat, when i have eaten something toxic that should be avoided in future. Unfortunately, I enact my rage and various undigested, unrecognized experiences in food and eating. So as I look around at all the people around me I cannot help but wonder to what extent they too are using food as a means to come to some sort of closure with whatever experience they are struggling to understand or express.
In my case, the source of my pain occured in my infancy. Separation from my mother and whatever else it is I experienced subsequently made me feel "I don't want to live. I cannot bear this pain. This is too much for me." This translates into practice as "I don't want to eat." Every eating event is imbued with two conflicting positions: I don't want to live/I am alive and I want to live.
